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Author Topic: Men v Women  (Read 4176 times)

Offline Monty

Men v Women
« on: March 06, 2017, 01:49:38 PM »
WHY MEN SHOULD NEVER BE DEPRESSED:   
Men should realise they have it easy --
Your last name always stays the same 
The garage is all yours 
Wedding plans take care of themselves 
Chocolate is just another snack... 
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park 
You can wear NO shirt to a water park 
Car mechanics tell you the truth 
The world is your urinal 
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just ‘too icky’ 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt 
Your wrinkles just add character 
Wedding dress £2000. Suit rental £100 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet 
You have one mood all of the time 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat 
You know stuff about tanks 
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase 
You can open all your own jars 
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend 
Your underwear is less than £10 for a three-pack 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough 
Everything on your face stays its original colour 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades 
You only have to shave your face and neck 
You can play with toys all your life 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour works for all seasons.
 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes 

Men are simple people
NICKNAMES   
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Smiler and Wildman.   
 
EATING OUT 
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though the total is only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.   
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators... YEP!!! 
 
MONEY 
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. 
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. 
 
BATHROOMS   
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.   
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. 
 
ARGUMENTS 
A woman has the last word in any argument. 
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.   
   
OFFSPRING 
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams. 
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.   
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!



Offline Jenji Stone

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2017, 11:58:15 AM »
 :P Great list mate. But i must say, it does not suck being a woman either. The amount of times i have looked like a different person through changing my hair colour are uncountable. Hahaha. I wouldn't change it for the world..well at least thats the one thing i wouldn't. The rest..hmm well maybe. Haha  ;)

Offline cosworth151

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2017, 12:28:48 PM »
Quote
The amount of times i have looked like a different person through changing my hair colour are uncountable.

I look like a completely different person because of a hair color change, too. It used to be red. Now it's grey.  :(
“You can search the world over for the finer things, but you won't find a match for the American road and the creatures that live on it.”
― Bob Dylan

Offline Steve A.

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2017, 12:29:16 PM »
I would love to have hair to change colour  8)

Offline Jenji Stone

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2017, 01:17:46 PM »
Quote
The amount of times i have looked like a different person through changing my hair colour are uncountable.

I look like a completely different person because of a hair color change, too. It used to be red. Now it's grey.  :(
Hahaha. Stop it. My ribs hurt already  :D :D

Offline Scott

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2017, 01:32:59 PM »
Quote
The amount of times i have looked like a different person through changing my hair colour are uncountable.

I look like a completely different person because of a hair color change, too. It used to be red. Now it's grey.  :(
Hahaha. Stop it. My ribs hurt already  :D :D

Too bad Cos, mine turned silver ;)
The Honey Badger doesn't give a...

Offline Monty

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2017, 01:35:17 PM »
I feel sorry for all of you; I get up every morning, look in the mirror and think 'you handsome beast' . I turn away and, only then, put on my spectacles  :D

Offline Warmwater

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2017, 05:41:46 AM »
I would love to change my hair color, but can't dig it all out of the sink drain. :(
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough.” ― Mario Andretti.

Offline Mollie

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2017, 09:42:53 AM »
I would love to change my hair color, but can't dig it all out of the sink drain. :(
You could always buy those acidic sink drain cleaners on amazon  :-*

Offline Ian

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2017, 10:51:07 PM »
What I've got left is all nicely streaked and it never cost me a penny.
An aircraft landing is just a controlled crash.

Offline Mollie

Re: Men v Women
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2017, 10:31:37 AM »
What I've got left is all nicely streaked and it never cost me a penny.
Okay. Well, not bad..not bad at all!  ;) Haha

 


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