1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.”
2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.”
3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?”
4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.”
5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.”
6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.”
7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it...”
8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.”
9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.”
10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’”
11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.”
12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.”
13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.”
14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.”
15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.”