Satan (credit to Ian)

[Scott]

Ya gotta post some of these on here Ian.   

Ian sent me this on email:

A few minutes  before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their  pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

' Nope,' said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.

[F1fanaticBD]

    

[Ian]

Burglar breaks into a house, as he's shining his torch round he hears a voice.

"Jesus is watching you."
He shines his torch round again and he hears.
"Jesus knows where you are. "
He shines his torch round again and sees a parrot on a stand, says to the parrot.
"What's your name."
 The parrot replies.
"Moses."
"Huh." says the burglar, "What sort of people call a parrot Moses."
"The same sort of people that call their Rottweiler Jesus." says the parrot.

[Scott]

   

[F1fanaticBD]

 

[Wizzo]

 

Hang on, Mrs Wiz has a Brother and he always said his red face was due to high blood pressure....

[cosworth151]

    

Both of them are good'uns!