Employee Rules and Regulations

[Dare]

feel free to post these at your business Wizard

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal tomaintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time
needed to drink a slim fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

[Wizzo]

Have done so Stig 

[davewilson]

Not your best post dare.....

[Dare]

Not your best post dare.....

No comedians ,Please

[davewilson]

Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.
Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.