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Author Topic: -AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD  (Read 873 times)

Offline Dare

-AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
« on: September 13, 2009, 01:46:50 AM »
  • Publish
  •  



     

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

    Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

     

    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

     

    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

     

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

     

    After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

     

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

     

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

     

    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

     

    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

     

    In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours,

    Alex

     

    P..S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!


    "The
    democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
    who are
    willing to work and give to those who would not."
    --
    Thomas
    Jefferson

    Offline SennaMan

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    Re: -AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
    « Reply #1 on: September 13, 2009, 02:57:58 AM »
  • Publish
  •  b brilliant!

    now that's the type of action that makes my day  :yahoo: :good: :DD

    thanks Dare, I'll have to share it with my 'tribe'.
    "In a Democracy, civil dissent and even disobedience is a responsibility and a duty. Indeed, the extent dissent is tolerated is in itself a test of a Democracy."

    Bruce Elton Foulds - 2010.

    david1275

    • Guest
    Re: -AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
    « Reply #2 on: September 13, 2009, 09:13:29 AM »
  • Publish
  • That's a class story and very funny.

    But. An armed society is only civil if only the civil are armed.

    Offline Wizzo

    Re: -AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
    « Reply #3 on: September 13, 2009, 09:19:02 AM »
  • Publish
  • Excellent Dare!  :good:

    "No Matter how little money and how few possessions, you own, having a dog makes you rich."

    GPWizard F1 Forum http://www.gpwizard.co.uk
    :wizard:
    Wizzo

    Offline Dare

    Re: -AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
    « Reply #4 on: September 13, 2009, 03:55:56 PM »
  • Publish
  • That's a class story and very funny.

    But. An armed society is only civil if only the civil are armed.
    [/quote


    If you outlaw guns only outlaws will have them
    "The
    democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those
    who are
    willing to work and give to those who would not."
    --
    Thomas
    Jefferson