20 Headlines You Won't Read In 2012

[Dare]

Anyone care to add to the list



We've had a year of dramatic headlines in F1, so here's some we can guarantee won't trouble the headline writers in 2012. Or even beyond...

BUTTON BANS FATHER FROM PADDOCK
Girlfriend To Go Next

"OUR TRACK'S UNSAFE BUT WE WON'T CHANGE IT!"
Monaco Organisers Finally Admit They're Not Doing Enough

FERRARI PUSH FOR COMPLETE TESTING BAN

DIETER MATESCHITZ FINDS THE ARMS OF HIS BLAZER
"They Were There All Along!" Says Amazed Red Bull Boss

CIRCUIT OF AMERICAS OPENS TWO MONTHS EARLY
Ecclestone Says He Knew It Would Happen

LEWIS HAMILTON WINS STAND-UP AWARD AT EDINBURGH
Not For Comedy - Just For Standing Up

HAUG: "WE'RE HAPPY WITH 4th IN CONSTRUCTORS'
Mercedes Boss Quite Serious

BRUNDLE GRIDWALK FAILS TO FEATURE ALLIANZ-SPONSORED SAFETY CAR

"WE'LL BE THREE-STOPPING IN 2012" SAYS PETER SAUBER

BARRICHELLO ADMITS F1 DREAM IS OVER

EDDIE JORDAN PREDICTS FIRST FIVE GP RESULTS CORRECTLY
BBC Pundit To Get Paul-the-Octopus's Aquarium

BRANSON CITES LIMELIGHT DEFICIENCY FOR F1 WITHDRAWAL

ABU DHABI CIRCUIT TO RUN THROUGH FERRARI WORLD
Davies Gets His Wish At Last

"SILVERSTONE IS UTTERLY SPECIAL": ECCLESTONE

TURKEY BACK ON CALENDAR 'BECAUSE IT'S A GREAT GP CIRCUIT'
FIA Acknowledge TV Fans Know Best

"WE HAVE TWO NUMBER 1 DRIVERS AT RED BULL": HORNER

FORMULA ONE MANAGEMENT WAIVES KOREAN RACE HOSTING FEE

COLIN KOLLES WINS F1 CHARITY SMILE-A-THON
Former HRT Boss Narrowly Beats Franz Tost And Helmut Marko

"WE WERE JOKING ABOUT THE THIRD CAR": MONTEZEMOLO
"We Actually Wanted Four"

COLOUR-ME-BEAUTIFUL EXPERT SLAIN BY McLAREN BOSS
Whitmarsh Enraged After Being Told 'Rocket Red' Was Orange

[Scott]

MASSA DOMINATES ALONSO TO TAKE HIS FIRST WDC
Alonso says he always knew Massa had it in him.

RUBENS SIGNS FOR SAUBER AND TAKES TEAM TO SECOND PLACE
Signs long term contract and an option for Ferrari when Massa retires.  Brings "Depends" sponsorship to Sauber.

[Alianora La Canta]

FERRARI SPORTS BRIGHT GREEN LIVERY FOR 2012
"We did it because the grid needs more colour," says Montezemelo

RED BULL GOES CAD-ONLY
"Aero is overrated," says Newey

MCLAREN WINS WORLD GIGGLING CONTEST
(Whitmarsh quote usuable due to excessive laughter)

MERCEDES TRIES A 32-STOP STRATEGY IN CHINA
"We felt like it." said Brawn

LOTUS GETS UPSET ABOUT FERRARI'S PAINT JOB
"We wanted to be Jordan" says Boullier

FORCE INDIA HIRES TWO PENSIONERS FOR 2013 AND A 115-YEAR OLD TESTER
"Got fed up of hiring new youngsters all the time," says Mallya

SAUBER GETS RENAULT ENGINE IN 2013
"We've had enough of Ferrari power," says Sauber, "and besides, bright green really doesn't go with Pirelli's colour-stripe system"

TORO ROSSO POACHES 115-YEAR OLD TESTER FROM FORCE INDIA TO REPLACE RICCIARDO
"I aim to be World Champion at Red Bull by my 120th birthday," says 115-year-old
"Actually, we were kind of hoping he'd still be here by then," says Marko

WILLIAMS HIRES RED BULL'S ENTIRE AERO TEAM TO ADD TO EXISTING SQUAD
"Well if Red Bull doesn't want them..." says Williams
"I did but Williams quadrupled everyone's salary," says Horner
"Same thing, isn't it?" says Williams

CATERHAM AGREES WITH LOTUS ABOUT SOMETHING
"You know what? Lotus really should have been Jordan and Ferrari was wrong to steal the colour scheme off them," says Fernandes

MARUSSIA SPOTTED ORDERING LARGE CRATES OF EARL GREY TEA
"We fancied a change from our local brew," says Booth

HISPANIA GETS A HEADLINE FOR DOING SOMETHING UNAMBIGUOUSLY PRAISEWORTHY
"It's OK, Martin, you can stop laughing now if you like," says Kolles
"Excuse me I'm supposed to be boss now," says Perez-Sala
"Right you are" says Kolles
"Besides, some bosses really do worry about all the wrong things. Can we just go and race, please?" says Perez-Sala

[cosworth151]

FERRARI SELLS F1 TEAM TO GIANCARLO MINARDI
"Lucca needed some campaign funds."

EDDIE JORDAN TO BECOME SPOKESPERSON FOR BROOKS BROTHERS.
"We've always admired his quietly tasteful wardrobe."

FLAVIO SIGNS WITH JENNY CRAIG
"We wanted a real challenge."