GPWizard F1 Forum
Everything Else => Off Topic => Topic started by: Wizzo on November 28, 2013, 11:33:57 PM
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The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the new fleet of Type 69 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships of this class HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the HM Ships naming committee have, after intensive counselling, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The final four ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively bristle with facilities. For instance, the new user-friendly crow’s nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24 hrs a day, and each ship will have its own on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for “Rum, Sodomy and the lash”; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains: this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only by request.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal “Hello Sailor”. All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches – this applies equally to the women.
The MOD is working on a new “Non specific” flag based on the controversial British Airways “Ethnic” tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The newly-renamed HMS Cautious is due to be re-commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the water to the tune of “In the Navy” by the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
Sea Trials are expected to take place, when she sets out on her maiden mission. She will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The Prime Minister said that “While the ships reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation from Brussels.
His final words were “Britannia Waives the Rules!”
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:DD :DD :DD
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Not so far fetched in this day and age in the UK.
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I'm sorry to disagree, but I don't think that's at all amusing.
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I'm sorry to disagree, but I don't think that's at all amusing
I am a member of a certain Royal Navy organisation, (I won't name it here), and this was taken from their quarterly publication. I thought it was interesting (and funny) to see how past Veterans can see a 'tongue in cheek' side to the madness that we call political correctness.
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100% agree. Madness=Political Correctness.
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I am a member of a certain Royal Navy organisation, (I won't name it here), and this was taken from their quarterly publication. I thought it was interesting (and funny) to see how past Veterans can see a 'tongue in cheek' side to the madness that we call political correctness.
It wasn't a dig at you Wizzo :).
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It wasn't a dig at you Wizzo :).
I didn't take it that way at all Irisado, you'll have to dig deeper than that to find my switch. :D
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I thought that was probably the case, but I just wanted to be clear for the avoidance of any doubt :).
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It wasn't a dig at you Wizzo :).
I didn't take it that way at all Irisado, you'll have to dig deeper than that to find my switch. :D
I wonder that switch ever exist, I am looking for it for about 3 years now, and at number of times it seems it does not exist. But then Ian comes, and confirms I am wrong ;)
As for the original post :DD :DD :DD :DD :DD Wizzo :) :good:
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I think this thread firmly falls under the heading of good old fashioned British satire Irisado. :D
...... And pretty good it is too. :good: :DD :DD :DD :DD :DD
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I am British John ;). I'm just not very patriotic or traditional at all. I'm far more continental in my perspective on many things.
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Hehe, I am English first, British second and never European. :tease:
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Hehe, I am English first, British second and never European. :tease:
That's ok Ian, we don't want you to drag the European name down... :tease: :tease: :tease:
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:DD :DD If the EU was dragged any lower it would be in Australia Scott, now there's an idea, get rid of the whole corrupt bunch in one fell swoop as shark food.
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:DD :DD If the EU was dragged any lower it would be in Australia Scott, now there's an idea, get rid of the whole corrupt bunch in one fell swoop as shark food.
Oh dear, it's time for this debate again ;).
The EU is comprised of a parliament (elected), Council of Ministers (ministers of the the governments of all of the member states in the EU, so all elected MPs), the Commission (unelected commissioners who are nominated by the governments of member states who are elected, and who have to be approved by the European Parliament, which is elected let's remember).
Explain to me Ian how that system is any more corrupt than a national government? It's fully accountable to people that we all elect as citizens of the member states. You might not like it, but that's the truth. In other words, it's no better or worse than the UK government, or any other government in the EU for that matter.
So, on that basis, I really would like to know why, in your opinion, it's so corrupt?
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As much as it hurts I must agree Irisado ;) . Our own MP's are just as corrupt with their expenses claims. My whole point of hating the EU is that we were never given a referendum on full membership as promised, something even the EU has said was wrong.
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We were given one here, but we said NO :P
How this thread went from being called "European" to being a member of the EU is beyond me. The Swiss readily call themselves European, yet have less to do with the EU than even England does. :DntKnw: |-( |-(
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That's funny Scott, I thought the important word in the naming of the thread was 'Britannia.'
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As much as it hurts I must agree Irisado ;) . Our own MP's are just as corrupt with their expenses claims. My whole point of hating the EU is that we were never given a referendum on full membership as promised, something even the EU has said was wrong.
Of course, the whole issue of corruption is separate in its own right, and I have more faith in some of our publicly elected officials than you do, but I won't spoil this moment of harmony by going into debating that :D ;).
The referendum question is moot though, and I'll explain why. First, there was a referendum, in 1973, when the UK voted to join the then EC. Second, because member states within the EU have so much power over which legislation is passed and which is not (see my post above), you are effectively voting for your European policy at every general election, not to mention the European elections (many people don't treat the latter seriously though, which is one reason why the results are distorted in favour of small protest parties). Third, because you can't have a referendum when people don't understand what they're voting for.
To elaborate further on the last point. To actually have a fair referendum on the EU, people need to know how it works and what it does. The vast majority of people in the UK are clueless about the EU. Even my students who I teach here at the university are clueless about it when they first arrive. Very little is taught about the EU in schools, and what it does (i.e. debates, procedure, who voted for what) is not reported in the media.
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Irisado, we voted to join the Common Market, free trade and all that, there was no mention of a European super state and us being ruled by Brussels and not our elected government.
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Ian, that's just not true I'm afraid. You're being sucked into believing something which just isn't born out by the facts.
Member states have too much power (see my explanation of the decision making procedure above) for the EU to be considered one state of any description. If you don't like the policy being made at EU level, there is nobody to blame but national governments and the European Parliament, and national governments have more power than the EP in the decision making process, which just goes to show how much influence they have.
The idea that there is some dictatorship in Brussels telling member states what to do is not borne out by the facts. The Commission's powers are severely limited by the member states. It can propose as much legislation as it wants to, but if the member states don't agree with it, there's no chance of the legislation becoming law.
There is no such thing as an EU government, so Brussels cannot rule over anyone. All the powers which have becoming part of the supranational sphere have done so because the member states agreed for this to happen. Integration is deepest in policy areas that most people are the least interested in, and it's hardly ever reported in this country as a result.
The only things that tend to get reported are the controversial topics, which are few in number, and often reported inaccurately. For example, the whole row about the prisoners being given the right to vote. This was a ruling by the European Court of Human Rights. This is not an EU institution. That whole debate had nothing whatsoever to do with any EU ruling.
Another example is immigration. The influx following the 2004 enlargement was argued by some to be some kind of argument against the EU. The mismanagement of the immigration policy then was entirely a British national government failure, and nothing to do with the EU collectively. Other EU countries, such as France and Germany set limits/legislated, we didn't, and the UK was caught out. It's also, however, to do a disservice to Eastern European nations to frame the immigration debate as some in the media and UKIP do, in the sense that most people come here for work, then go back. Just ask farmers how reliant they are on workers from Eastern European countries.
Finally, of course, there's this whole false notion that the EU bureaucrats force legislation upon member states. They don't. They don't have the power. To give you an example, Herman Van Rompuy, the President of the European Council, has no power at all. The creation of this position, which sent UKIP and the Conservatives hopping up and down with indignant rage a decade ago, was a non-event. All he does is report what happens at the European Council to the European Parliament, and sets the agenda for European Council meetings. He has no vote, is unable to tell member states what to do, and cannot even put items on the agenda.
So, taking all of that into account, I'm struggling to see where the superstate and Brussels dictate is coming from.
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East Europeans come here to work ? Strange that is, when I walk through
Sittingbourne during the day, all I seem to hear is East European voices, none of them work but they are always seeming to be buying goods.
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East Europeans come here to work ? Strange that is, when I walk through
Sittingbourne during the day, all I seem to hear is East European voices, none of them work but they are always seeming to be buying goods.
How do you know that they don't work? Have you asked them? Have you also asked them which countries they're from?
Besides which, you haven't answered my implicit question about where the Brussels superstate idea is coming from ;)?
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Irisado, this is a discussion that can never be agreed on by two people with vastly differing opinions, I am anti EU and ECHR and you are the opposite so shall we just leave it there? :P :-*
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I used to work the graveyard shift. When people would see me lounging around in cafe's without a care in the world, they always thought I was no good, troublemaker, taking everything I could get.
They were right of course, but I did have a job. :P
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Irisado, this is a discussion that can never be agreed on by two people with vastly differing opinions, I am anti EU and ECHR and you are the opposite so shall we just leave it there? :P :-*
We could leave it there, but I'd still be interested to know what they would say if you went up to ask them what it is that they do ;). You might receive answers which surprise you :).
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Going by the apparent lack of human rights for white English folk I'd probably get arrested for racism and deported to Botany Bay. ::)
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and deported to Botany Bay. ::)
Nah you're ok, they won't take you now without a trade. :P
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John please, I am a bricklayer and a platelayer.
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John please, I am a bricklayer and a platelayer.
You were mate, your a pensioner now - what kind of trade is that. :D :DD :DD
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The best, now get back to work so that you can pay my pension. :DD
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Going by the apparent lack of human rights for white English folk I'd probably get arrested for racism and deported to Botany Bay. ::)
You just open yourself up to this kinds of debates don't you :P ;). Exactly how have your human rights been impinged upon lately?
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Unfortunately Irisado you do not recognise sarcasm.
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I do, but I can't always tell with you, as it's a fine line between your sarcastic and serious posts (on political issues), so I can never be sure :).
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Irisado, if I ever upset you please tell me and I will immediately apologise, it has never been my intention to upset or insult anybody on here and I never would. ;)
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Irisado, if I ever upset you please tell me and I will immediately apologise, it has never been my intention to upset or insult anybody on here and I never would. ;)
Wizzo any comment about that ;)
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Irisado, if I ever upset you please tell me and I will immediately apologise, it has never been my intention to upset or insult anybody on here and I never would. ;)
Wizzo any comment about that ;)
No need BD. Ian's last post sums up the whole ethos of GPWizard in one sentence. :good:
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Irisado, if I ever upset you please tell me and I will immediately apologise, it has never been my intention to upset or insult anybody on here and I never would. ;)
Nope, you never have :). I do wish that I could change your mind about certain issues though, so I won't stop trying, even if it's futile ;).
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I wouldn't expect anything different Irisado, in fact I would be disappointed if you DID stop trying. ::)