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Author Topic: "Some say",The Stig Can  (Read 1921 times)

davewilson

  • Guest
"Some say",The Stig Can
« on: March 15, 2007, 10:50:18 PM »
Each episode, one of the presenters gives a short quote about the Stig, invariably starting with "Some say", then two of the quotes below. He finishes by saying "All we know is, he's called The Stig."

He drinks a lot of petrol.
He was born in space.
He never blinks.
He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves.
He sleeps upside down like a bat.
His sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
His skin has the texture of dolphins.
If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts.
He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down. (A reference to The Matrix)
He could annihilate the Daleks, Dr Who and the Cyberman, if he could be bothered.
He is scared of bells.
He once punched a horse to the ground.
His politics are terrifying.
He lives in a tree.
He likes DragonBoarder.
He was raised by wolves.
He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden.
His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant.
His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight.
He is confused by stairs.
He naturally faces magnetic north.
He is illegal in 17 U.S. states.
His heart ticks like a watch.
All his legs are hydraulic.
His brain is a Satellite navigation system.
He can "accumbularate".
He appears on Japanese banknotes.
There's an airport in Russia named after him.
He is wanted by the CIA.
His breath smells of magnesium.
He can catch fish with his tongue.
His tears are adhesive.
If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days.
After eating printing ink, he obtains the ability to fly.
He is terrified of ducks.
His voice can only be heard by cats.
He has two sets of knees.
He can swim seven lengths underwater.
He has webbed buttocks.
He can melt concrete on contact.
He is more machine than man. (A reference to Darth Vader)
His heart is in upside down.
His teeth glow in the dark.
His favourite food is raw meat.
He has no age.
He urinates 98 RON petrol. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He can smell corners. (On The Top Gear Website Profiles)
He likes his eggs sunny side up. (Top Gear Website Profiles)
He blinks this way. (Clarkson closing his thumb and forefinger on both held-up hands - a reference to Men in Black)
He has acid for blood. (A reference to the Alien).
Jimmy Carter wants him dead.
He has a bionic arm.
He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh.
He is stumped by clouds.
He has no fear.
His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be.
He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott. (Referring to Prescott's recent admission that he had had an affair with one of his secretaries)
He has a digital face.
If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. (A reference to the UK version of The Apprentice, featuring the aforementioned head honcho of Amstrad in the Donald Trump role)
He has named every single blade of grass surrounding the Top Gear test track.
His genitals are on upside down.
If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds.
(During Clarkson's 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly') If he left Britain, his ears would explode. However, they're wrong - because he's here.
His ears have a paisley lining.
He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show.
The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring.
If given an important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet. (Reference to John Prescott May 2006)
He invented Branston Pickle.
If you insult his mother, he will head butt you in the chest. (A reference to Zinedine Zidane being sent off in the finals of the 2006 FIFA World Cup
On really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake.
For some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch.
His fingernails have 330bhp.
His tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds.
His first name really is "The".
If he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant, including the cameramen.
He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp.
Long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced, waste of blood & organs. (Greeted with a lot of applause)
He once had a viscous knife fight with Anthea Turner
He was in no way involved with the cash for honours scandal, (followed by) Welcome Lord Stig!
He was a CIA experiment gone wrong (on 'big' stig)
He eats a lot of cheese (on 'big' stig)
His chest tastes like piccalily
He was thrown out of the Brit Awards for goosing Russel Brand
He sucks moisture from ducks
His helmet was modelled on Britney Spears' head (Reference to Britney Spears shaving her head)
He isn't machine washable.
All his potted plants are called Steve.
In earlier episodes, the Stig was introduced with various lines from the presenters; including:

Please say moshi-moshi, to Stig-san. (Moshi-moshi is the Japanese opening when answering a phone call)
Dame Edna Everstig.
Stiggy Bird. (A reference to legendary cricket umpire, Harold "Dickie" Bird)
Bitte willkommen Sie, Das Stig.
Colonel Fotherington Digby-Stigby.
Mesdames et messieurs, dans la pluie, Le Stig!
Mitsu-Stiggy (When Hammond introduces the Mitsubishi Evo 8 test lap)
It's time for some shock and awe, with George W Stig.
So, we gave the GTI to the STI... G.
His Holiness the Stig.
Bring him on: Barbara Stighouse.
Let's hand it over to the Dark Side of the Stig.
Avanti: Stigissimo!
Willkommen behage: Steugen!
Time, I think, to move over to...Defcon Stig!
Unleash the Stig!
Unfurl the Stig!
Operation Stig-Drive!
Engage Stig drive!
Warp Stig. Engage!
Stiglas Bader (A reference to World War Two pilot Douglas Bader, when Hammond introduces the Morgan Aero 8 GTN Power Lap)
It's time to pump up the Stig and see how fast he can make it go round.
So, to test its flappy paddle gearbox, I'll hand you over to the totally unflappable Mr Stig.
Let's hand the old crate over to our resident test pilot--Stiggles! (Reference to Biggles)
Schnell schnell, Herr Stigmacher! (Reference to Michael Schumacher)
Banzai! Stig.
Detective Inspector Stig.
Stig of the Yard.
So, we handed the Ford over to something else that drinks a lot of petrol: The Stig
He's thick, he's quick, and he'll give it some stick. But most important of all, he's expendable. Ladies and gentlemen, the Stig!



 


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