GPWizard F1 Forum

Fun Stuff => Pictures & Jokes => Topic started by: Andy B on July 29, 2011, 06:27:41 AM

Title: I thank you!!!
Post by: Andy B on July 29, 2011, 06:27:41 AM

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
So I thought I should help him but he reckoned he could stop any time.


I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed some grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these ******* have lost the plot!


I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could
check her balance. She was right to ask because when I gave her a shove she fell over.


A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was
refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said “A claim was made that people in Dubai wouldn't understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.”


My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.


Just heard there was a fire at a pie factory in Huddersfield.
It took 3.1415927 hours to put out.


I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
"Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a ****"



Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.
I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg instead.


Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C,"he said.
"What, cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea
move.


I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!


Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll
wear gold tonight’. Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come
second for a change’.


I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van coming the other way. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.


On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking
Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'


The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused
from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him

Title: Re: I thank you!!!
Post by: Ian on July 29, 2011, 10:09:42 AM

Some crackers there Andy.  :DD  :DD  :DD  :DD

Title: Re: I thank you!!!
Post by: John S on July 29, 2011, 10:36:04 AM

Hilarious, Andy.   :DD :DD :DD :DD :DD

Cor - you sure know how to lift our spirits on the day the Beeb dropped it's bombshell. :good:

Title: Re: I thank you!!!
Post by: David on July 29, 2011, 10:57:37 PM

 :DD :DD :DD Few rib ticklers in there.