Odd Reviews

[Alianora La Canta]

I was browsing Amazon and looking at a music album when I saw the top review looked quite glowing. This was good to see until I saw it read:

Welcome to the Neighbourhood (Audio CD)

GREAT BAG, 18 May 2012 By Rio Rita
 This product is really good value,nice shade of grey and holds everything I need it to. Sturdy and looks great. Thanks.

Her things must be really light if a download can hold them, and the colour of the album, if it were to have one, would be green...

A review for something which I suspect doesn't even exist, and if it does is probably out of warranty:

Uranium Ore

Patrick J. McGovern: "I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."

Why anyone would be so enthusiastic about one of these is a mystery, especially since the photo indicates it isn't even in stock:

Regulatory Cost Recovery Fee

Nathaniel Granatir: "All I can say is: WOW! I've had regulatory cost recovery fees before, and this one blows them all away! As usual I was a bit skeptical at first, but after paying the regulatory cost recovery fee for a couple months I was hooked! I'll _never_ go back to my old regulatory cost recovery fees!! Now some of you may not be convinced, and you may think the price is a bit high, and it is - but you have to think about the value you're getting. I don't know about you, but I'm willing to pay a little bit more and get a more feature-rich and reliable regulatory cost recovery fee. And frankly, I wouldn't want my money going to a fee that I wasn't 100% sure would recover my regulatory cost. So in conclusion, if you're looking for a great, albeit somewhat pricey regulatory cost recovery fee, you can't go wrong with this one!"

I'm not sure this reviewer was reviewing the same hat as everyone else (it looks exactly like the title implies):

Milk Carton Hat

Timothy Poteet: "A sporty alternative to the ballcap"

Those of you who follow my reviews know that I have a fondness for classy headware. When I go out to the discos, I like to be looking my best and I needed a hat that would go nicely with my white Saturday Night Fever style leisure suit. The Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat looked promising. I have a silk shirt that perfectly matches the blue writing on the carton and alot of ladies have told me that when I combine the Milk Carton Hood Adult Hat with that particular shirt, it really draws attention to my "pretty blue eyes" (blush). A hat like this exudes confidence. It says "Hey ladies... I'm different... I have my OWN type of swagger..." For the finely appointed gentleman, this hat will make a classy addition to your hat collection."

Finally, here is an example of how not to write a negative review. At least this reviewer appeared to be talking about the item under review. The fact the reviewer's talking about the wrong format of said item is the least of the problems:

Finding Nemo (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)

*****I took my neighbor's kid to see this a while back. This movie pretty much ruined my night, and I will tell you how. We went to the theatre on a Friday night while I was babysitting (he was like 4 years old at the time by the way).

 It was a little warm out so I stopped and got us each a Big Gulp. That was my first mistake. This kid drank an entire Big Gulp of Mountain Dew on the way to the theater (which I later realized contains a very high level of caffiene which he is not allowed to have). He said he didn't have to go to the bathroom before the movie, so I guess you can see where this is going. The theater itself was absolutely freezing, and this kid complained about it the entire time.

 The movie was a little boring and looked really fake. You could tell it wasn't real and was just a bunch of silly puppets, but he was only 4 so I guess he bought it (I hope he doesn't really think fish can talk). Bla Bla Bla, the fish gets lost or whatever, lots of talking, then BAM! Shark Attack, and the kid screams and immediately proceeds to dive under the chairs, and come back up with his pants soaking wet. Great, kid. You said you didnt' have to go BEFORE the movie, so now you decide to go DURING the movie. Later on the movie whipped this kid up into a caffiene frenzy, and he takes off his wind-breaker and starts whipping it around his head, and it hit this kid behind us and the zipper tagged him in the ear. The other kid's mom gave me a dirty look, so I tried to explain that my neighbor's kid wasn't very smart because he is only 4, but then I didn't want to start an argument so I held back my tongue.

 The worst part actually came when the movie was finally over and we went out to eat at McDonalds. I thought it would be cute to order the kid a fish sandwich since we just saw a movie about fishes. He took a couple of bites and asked why it tasted so bad, so I simply told him what it was. So then the kid, no joke, starts throwing up all of his fries, and what I guess was a whole lot of mountain dew all over the chair and the floor. Then he gets seriously mad at me and does the now-vomit-covered-windbreaker frenzy. He was mad because he thought I was trying to get him to eat one of the fishes in the movie or whatever. He refused to clean it up or eat the rest of his sandwich so I just took him home.

 We tried to have a discussion about the difference between his sandwich in the movie, but he simply said "I hate you" (great argument, kid). In conclusion I would NOT reccomend this movie due to my awful experience with this bratty kid. Also, as I mentioned earlier it looks kind of fake. Later. *****

There's maybe 2 lines in all that which are likely to be relevant to someone thinking of buying the DVD...

[F1fanaticBD]

 

You had me with the Nemo review..

[lkjohnson1950]

Yeah, give a 4 year old 64 ounces of Mountain Dew and then act surprised when he hurls. 

[Canada Darrell™]

Best.Movie.Review.EVAR!