GPWizard F1 Forum
Fun Stuff => Pictures & Jokes => Topic started by: Wizzo on June 13, 2008, 03:05:38 PM
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Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
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:crazy:
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:DD
How's this one?
Customer: "Hello. Please could you tell me if this library has a globe?"
Librarian: "Certainly. It's over there."
Customer: "That one's not quite big enough. I'd like to borrow a life-size one."
Librarian: [pause] "I'm really sorry. It's in use at the moment."
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And yet another -
What goes "Ssssh!" CHOP! "Ssssh!" CHOP!
Conan the Librarian. :swoon:
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A guy goes up to the librarian and asks for a book on suicide, the librarian saye p!ss off, you won't bring it back
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nice one ian
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Wife to husband.....I don't mind you reading in bed, but when you wanna turn the page can't you just lick your finger.
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once again nice one ian there getting better
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Update: I can start my librarian assistant job next Monday. Can't start it before then because a really degenerate library user stole lead off the roof.
Returning to the jokes (courtesy of libraryjokes4u.com (http://www.librarybooks4u.com/jokes.html)):
How many academic librarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Just five. One changes the light bulb while the other four form a committee and write a letter of protest to the Dean, because after all, changing light bulbs IS NOT professional work!
How many catalogers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but they have to wait to see how LC does it first.
How many cataloguers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one provided it is in AACR2.
How many reference librarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
(with a perky smile) "Well, I don't know right off-hand, but I know where we can look it up!"
How many reference librarians does it take to change a lightbulb? None if it has a LCSH heading.
How many library system managers does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them as the manual was lost in the last move (or flood).
How many library managers does it take to change a lightbulb? At least one committee and a light bulb strategy focus meeting and plan.
How many library technicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven. One to follow approved procedure, and six to review the procedure. (8 if you count the librarian they all report to)
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Keep it up Ali, :yahoo:
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like them ali very good
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How many public librarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - Health and Safety says that only an Estates Management Assistant can change lightbulbs, but he still needs one librarian to supervise him and another to fill in the paperwork...
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Having just had my first day of work at my new library, I would like to tell you the following information:
In reference to the Wiz's original joke, nobody could steal the phone book as it is kept under lock and key at the reference desk. There are so many keys that nobody can remember which one opens the drawer with the phone book. Not that any library patron wants the phone book anyway, because the only phone the public can use charges a minimum of 50p a time, because it has delusions of faxmachineur.
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Good one Ali, hope you enjoyed your first day at your new job :good:
Neil.P
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Glad to see you finally started Ali
hope you like it
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You waited long enough for this Ali, enjoy it love. :yahoo:
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Congrats on the job. I am very pleased for you.
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Congrats on the job Ali, give it a day or two and I'm sure you will be running the joint! :good:
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Congrats Ali, I'm really happy for you too.... now you have a perfect excuse for not getting far in KOTOR.... LOL... enjoy and well done to you
Rom :yahoo: :good: :yahoo:
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Thanks for the congratulations, everyone. I had a really good day yesterday, apart from a slight glitch at the start of the day. I got shown round the mobile library (which I'm working on one day a fortnight - once they've arranged somewhere for me to sit), the static part of the library and the assorted offices. Then I did the usual jobs of sorting out shelves, helping people join the library, cut out paper footballers and of course issuing and returning books.
Since it is quite funny in retrospect, here is the "slight glitch" [names have been changed to avoid embarrassment]:
I got a letter on Sunday (strange in itself) with the instructions to go to the library to meet a senior member of library staff for induction at 9am sharp; let's call her Polly.
I arrived at the library at 8:45am and waited... ...and waited.
At 9:10am, a member of staff arrived, wearing a badge labelled "Library Manager". Let's call him Bob.
He asked me what I was doing at the library 20 minutes before it officially opened. It turns out this is unusual behaviour for a library user. Once I'd told him I was the new member of staff and not a library user, he was quite surprised.
He told me he wasn't expecting me until 1pm (my normal start time on a Monday). Half-expecting this after some of my other experiences with the organisational side of this particular organisation, I produced the letter.
When he got to the bit saying I was to meet Polly, he laughed. It turned out she was in Scotland for a two-week holiday. This is slightly far from where I was working to arrange a quick commute. At this point, Bob phoned up Human Resources for an explanation, and then started the induction himself.
20 minutes later, Sarah turned up. She was the big boss when it came to libraries. She agreed that my letter was not a forgery, and then spent 10 minutes phoning around to find anyone who had any idea this letter existed - without success. She also discovered that every senior manager except Polly was stuck in meetings.
So she shrugged her shoulders, refused to give me a return plane ticket to Oban for the purposes of the induction, approved of Bob continuing the induction and giving me four hours of overtime as a result, issued a few books and left.
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Great way to start your first day.... with approved overtime.... well done Ali... glad your loving it
Rom
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Congrats, Ali. Sounds like you're off to a good start. Hope it's everything you thought it would be! :yahoo:
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Hilarious Ali, it's always fun finding out your bosses are an unorganized and incompetent bunch...makes them that much easier to manipulate to your advantage. Good luck!
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Good news: I'm settling in well and getting on top of the common tasks.
Bad news: I've got homework - I need to research the alphabets of the five Asian languages in the library... ...because apparently I'm the first librarian at this particular library to attempt to organise that section.
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I am glad you are settling in and enjoying it.
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Well done Ali - keep up the good work! :good:
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Glad it's going ok Ali :good:
Neil.P
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Sounds like you're doing very well, Ali. Best of luck on you journey into alphabetical terra incognita. :good:
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I've succeeded in the linguistic terra incognita journey, having now got a three-page "cheat sheet" for sorting the Hindi, Gujurati, Urdu, Bengali and Punjabi/Panjabi languages into the order someone who reads those languages natively would expect. Would you believe that all Bengali vowels start with K when romanised?
Tomorrow, I would like to test it out - but we've got two children's events on in the library, so we'll probably need all staff hands on deck and delay experiments with rookie assistant librarian's experimental documentation until later in the week.
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Congrats Ali, hope it's all you expected.
:yahoo: :yahoo:
Did you hear that the library in Tucson had to close? Somebody stole the book, and it wasn't even colored in yet!!
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:DD How does one colouring book constitute a library?
Mind you, I would never have thought until yesterday that helping to construct dance sticks out of straws, sellotape and coloured tissue paper was part of a librarian's job either...
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The joke is that Tucson (My home town) is so backward and dumb, that the whole library was just one book, and just a coloring book at that. Sorry, I'm not a great comedian.
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Ah, I didn't realise Tucson was backwards. Still, the concept of a colouring book constituting a library was amusing :D