How about a "Little Johnny" joke thread?

[Canada Darrell™]

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe? " When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good! " and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior? ", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ! " shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good! " and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? " Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half! " The Teacher fainted."

[Dare]

 

[Dare]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

[Canada Darrell™]

 

[Canada Darrell™]

"Why do you look so glum today? ", the teacher asked young Johnny. "I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher. "Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border? " "In bed with my mom. That's why I didn't have no breakfast. "

[Dare]

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father, "Dad, what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "Okay, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm capitalism because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was woken up by his brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid.

Because he couldn't do anything else, he turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"

Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, while the government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of sh*t."

[Dare]

It was little Johnny's first day in a new school, so
his father looked up the teacher. He told her that
little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an
avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might
win lunch money from the other kids if he was not
watched closely.

The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the
father that she had handled many such problems
and was very capable of taking care of little
Johnny's urge to gamble.

Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher
and asked her how things were going.

"Oh, everything is going very well." She said. "I
think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling
habit."

The father asked her what had happened.

"The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me
ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear."

She said. "I finally agreed to the bet and took
him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I
had no mole."

"Damn!" The father said. "He bet me fifty dollars
this morning that he would see the teacher's ass
before the day was over."

[Ian]

   Good one Dare.

[Canada Darrell™]

Maybe this one will get me reported.... 

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r " after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter. "That's right!" she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt? "

[Dare]

Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old, but they know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask for his blessing.

Johnny  bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Jones, me and Lisa are in love and I  want to ask you for your blessing."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Jones replies, "Well  Johnny, you're only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In  Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just cute, Mr. Jones says, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a  job. How will you afford food and rent?"

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowance.  Lisa gets 5 bucks  a week and I get 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and  that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Jones is realizing that Johnny has put much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up  with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

He then says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you've got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.  What will you do if the two of you should kids of your own?"

Johnny shrugs his shoulders and says "We've been lucky so  far..."

[Ian]

     Top one Dare.   

[Scott]

     Fantastic Dare!

[cosworth151]

Good one, Dare! 

[Dare]

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher,  indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the  differences between boys and girls.  Could you please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So Little Johnny's mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her  bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..."

So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"Take off my skirt..."

Little Johnny takes off her skirt.

"Take off my bra."

He takes off her bra.

"Now, Johnny, please take off my panties."

When Little Johnny is finally done taking off the clothes, she says, "Johnny, Please don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

[Canada Darrell™]

 

 

A beauty...did not see that punch line coming!