How about a "Little Johnny" joke thread?

[Dare]

 

A beauty...did not see that punch line coming!

neither did I

[Dare]

I hate to go past the line of good taste,but
what the heck



Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him  sitting on the side of his bed putting a condom onto his penis in  preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on  it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "Whatcha doin daddy?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the  bed,  to which Little Johnny replied

"Whatcha gonna do, f*@#% him?"

[Dare]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when
the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly,
and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But
let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat
grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified
to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t


Read

[Canada Darrell™]

 

[Canada Darrell™]

OK, this thread is hereby deemed to be "adults only"........

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day! "Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate. "

[Dare]

 

[Dare]

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

[Scott]

    Thanks for my Christmas morning laugh Dare!

Gift wrapping has been shredded, stockings emptied all over the couch, it's snowing outside, we are full of breakfast, and now it's time to have a little downtime before playing the new Harry Potter Clue game with the kids.  Hope you guys all have a relaxing day like I have planned.   

[Ian]

We certainly will Scott, I will shortly be tasting a nice single malt whisky I was given. A Very Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[David]

These jokes are gettin' worse.  

Merry Christmas to you all. My house is eerily quite this morning, my two boys got new Nintendo DSi's, so all I have seen is the tops of their heads.  

They also got Mario Kart for the Wii so we will get a bit of racing action this afternoon.  

[Scott]

We're going to go have a Star Wars battle on Wii in a few. 

I got mostly cookies (and some bath gel that says 'Musk', but I have to say it smells more like 'musty'), so I now have an excuse to get a bit fatter without listening to any complaining.   

[romephius]

we have just had an epic battle on Wii bowling... cuban cigar.... lot's of dirnks and now everyone else is heading to bed... it's only 11pm... :O

[cosworth151]

I took of before dawn tis morning and drove down to my daughter's home. I had Christmas morning with a room full of paper ripping grandkids (Both real and honorary)

I just drove back to help fix a free dinner at the AMVETS post. Later, I'm off to Claw_grrrl's.

Now, last night I had Honey Whiskey at my tobacconist, apricote brandy at the hobby shop, Tom & Jerrys at the VFW, jamacan rum at AMVETS...... and, of course, Dominican cigars.

Man, those kids were LOUD this morning. 

[Dare]

back to business Darrell


Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

[Scott]

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.  Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Johnny replied.

"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"