You might be a redneck if

[Dare]

You might be a redneck if...One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

[romephius]

If someone hollers 'ho down' and your girlfriend hits the floor

[davewilson]

If you buy your'e jumpers from B.H.S?

The Stig

[Dare]

Your family tree doesn't branch out

[cosworth151]

If your mother doesn't take the Lucky Strike out of her mouth when she tell the traffic cop to kiss her a**.

If Jerry Springer has you on speed dial.

[Dare]

If your mother doesn't take the Lucky Strike out of her mouth when she tell the traffic cop to kiss her a**.

If Jerry Springer has you on speed dial.
[/quote

You've visited Kentucky haven't you?

[romephius]

If your wife hollers " come move this transmission so I can take a bath "

If your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture

If you own a home that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't

If you wear a strapless dress with a bra that isn't

If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth! you just might be a redneck.

[cosworth151]

Dare-

Been to KY many times. In fact, I'll be running down I-75 in a few hours on my way to Knoxville.

Another way:
If you feel it really isn't a home until you take off the axles.
If the primary color of your car is Bondo.

[davewilson]

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged six big bulls. The pilot came back as arranged to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected he said, "The plane can take out only four of your elk. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year.

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all six elk aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear. But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" Yes about 20 yards further on from where we crashed last year.

The Stig

[Wizzo]

Bubba didn't know what the sign in the store window meant when he concocted an idea.

The sign said "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair".

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."

They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ......"

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?"

"Well...yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."

[cosworth151]

Redneck Haiku:

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
That you're my cousin.

Distant siren screams.
Dumb-ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again.

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil.

Seeking solitude,
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order.

Set the VCR:
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O'Clock.

[Dare]

   When the pastor at the wedding tells
    the groom"you may now kiss your sister"

[Ian]

 Must be an Alabama wedding eh

[Dare]

Must be an Alabama wedding eh
[/quote

any southern state will do