A Few Things We'd Like To See Occur In 2007...But Won't
Friday January 26 2007
Planet-F1 can but hope...
* The Australian GP to be delayed, in advance, by five or so hours so that we can wake up at a reasonable hour.
* As the logical extension to the Jensonmania of the British GP, the grid-girls at Silverstone to be compiled exclusively of Jenson's former squeezes, with the Honda driver having final say on each of their grid positions.
* ITV to broadcast live coverage of each qualifying session. Failing that, ITV to compromise by broadcasting early-evening and late-night qualifying sessions on either ITV 2 or ITV3 rather than transmit a re-run of MacGyver and The Price is Right.
* Jacques Villeneuve to encounter David Richards in a dark alley with footage exclusively recorded by Planet-F1.
* Super Aguri to officially admit that their name is ironic.
* Ralf Schumacher to at least pretend that £20m a year occasionally makes him happy.
* Toyota to publish a full inventory of their F1 budget.
* Ferrari to let F1 fans listen to their car-to-pits radio transmission.
* Ross Brawn to confirm that he was the evil chap in The Raiders of the Lost Ark who melted to death.
* The FIA to supply footage of a stewards' inquiry (unedited, even when Scott Speed has been summoned to appear).
* A grand prix to be raced at night.
* Rain, and lots of it, to fall during every grand prix.
* Bernie Ecclestone to admit that, as Monaco is the sport's showpiece event, it wouldn't be unreasonable for the circuit to be altered so that it is possible for a F1 car to overtake another F1 car on at least one corner.
* Tamara Ecclestone to make more frequent appearances at grands prix.
* Someone from ITV to explain the thinking behind Mark Blundell's appointment.
* Nick Heidfeld to say something interesting.
* Nick Heidfeld to subsequently confirm that he wasn't misquoted.
* Kimi Raikkonen to speak up.
* Kimi Raikkonen to invite the P-F1 staffers on a night out with him.
* F1-Racing magazine to be worth its £4 cover price.
* Robert Kubica to find a girlfriend on account of his looks alone.
* Takuma Sato to keep out of the way.
* The FIA to resist their annual temptation to interfere with the fair progress of the World Championship.
* The Jarno Trulli train to be automatically derailed.
* The words "I am looking forward..." to be banned from all grand prix preview press releases.
* The FIA to employ a lumberjack to remove the chip from Paul Stoddart's shoulder.
* Absolutely nobody to be described/labelled/predicted to be 'the next Schumacher'.
* Someone to publish a feature on Lewis Hamilton without mentioning the words 'Tiger' and 'Woods'.
* Heikki Kovalainen to change his name to something we can all spell.
* Someone to inform David Coulthard that the colour of his beard is grey.
* Robert Kubica to deliver that 'Pole on Pole' headline that every sub-editor craves.
* Michael Schumacher to publish his real diary so we can discover how close we were.
* Turn Eight at Turkey to be given a more dramatic name than, erm, Turn Eight.
* Bernie to not threaten the future of the British Grand Prix at Silverstone.
* Spyker to comprehend that just finishing isn't actually the point of racing.
* Flavio Briatore to date a woman who's at least half his age.
Laughing Laughing Laughing
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