I was the first guy to use the Internet on the Moon... Yet Pornhub still had girls in my local area...
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Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.
George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?"
Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'."
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After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot with a sign on the cage that said $50.00. 'Why so little?' she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'
The woman thought about it, but decided, she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.' The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'That's really not so bad.'
When her two teenage daughters returned from school that afternoon, the bird saw them and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.' The girls and the woman laughed about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi, Keith!'
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A doctor and his wife were in a heated argument and the doctor screams at his wife "well you're no good in bed either!" and storms out of the house to go to work. On his lunch break, the doctor feels horrible so he calls his wife to apologize. After the phone rings and rings the wife finally picks up the phone. The husband asks her what took her so long to reply. " I was in bed," His wife responded. "but its only noon." the doctor points out. "oh I know." She responds. "I was getting a second opinion."
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