Snippets from various conversations at previous employers, showing the limitations of telephone-based IT support:
Conversation #1:
“Sorry, I cannot deliver pizza to you. I work for a computer company.”
Conversation #2:
“This British computer repair company is not, in fact, a computer game conference in India - and even if we were, we could not physically help you with the fact that a tree has fallen on your local power line in Canada.”
Conversation #3:
“No, I still cannot deliver pizza to you. Everyone in this building works for a computer company.”
Conversation #4:
“Unfortunately, I cannot change the ending of the episode of [famous controversial TV episode]. Having no connection with any of the parties involved in producing it prevents this and, besides, the episode broadcast over a year ago.”
Conversation #5:
“No, I really cannot deliver pizza to you. You are over 4000 miles away; by the time it arrived, the pizza would be cold.“
Conversation #6:
“Coffee cannot be delivered down a telephone line”.
Conversation #7:
“Seriously, I cannot deliver pizza to you. I have checked the map on my computer and it would take over half a day to arrive. By then, you will have got something else to eat and not want to eat the pizza any more. And the pizza will still be cold.”
Conversation #8:
“If your computer is smoking, don’t plug more things into it. Turn it off instead.“
Conversation #9:
“My refusal to deliver pizza to you does not literally make me a kangaroo. It means you should try ordering from a pizza place in your city.”