I was in a shop a week ago, buying a bottle of cola. A teenage boy decided to try stealing 3 sticks of chewing gum.
I spotted him hide the sticks under his jacket and told him off for this. Embarrassed, he put the chewing gum back from whence they came. Then he tried claiming to the shop assistant that I was his mum and therefore I would be paying for the chewing gum. Since I wasn't (possibly because I'd never even seen him before...), I told the assistant he was wrong, and then pointed out to the teenager that you can't simply buy a mum from a shop.
The boy then said the following:
"I tried stealing chewing gum and you stopped me. Will you date me?"
I politely refused - which was followed by the shop assistant and the teenager's entire posse of 8 friends laughing at him for his double fail. Can't get the chewing gum, can't get the girl.
Just imagine what would have happened if I'd accepted. Would he have proposed marriage in the police station after I'd done a citizen's arrest on him for attempting the world's most incompetent bank heist?